My Earliest Memories and Recent Experiences with the Divine

    All my life I have had two early memories, one of which was a dream, the other was real.  My earliest memory was of being in a beautiful mountain area, with beautiful flowers and butterflies and the vegetation was lush.  This was a real memory, and God gave me a fuller portion of that memory a year or two ago:  Imagine a whitish gray nothingness, like being surrounded in a cloud.  Then imagine it dissolving into the most beautiful scenery you could ever imagine...for me it was a hilly/mountainous area, full of lush vegetation (so much so you couldn't see any dirt) and trees here and there...everything was so perfect.  I was dropped gently by a tree and reveled in the beauty of it all.  I was so ecstatic that it was tangible in the pit of my stomach.  If you have ever done pure Ecstasy (the drug) in your life, imagine the best you feel on it (or the best you have ever felt in life) and multiply it by a factor of a thousand, but perfect and not nauseating or disturbing physically...that's what it felt like.  Everything was so perfect and beautiful it had an almost cartoonish quality to it.  I remember feeling or being called back (my guess is to God or to worship God, but that has not been revealed to me yet)...the point is there was a call for all to return (although I was alone in this area, there were many others elsewhere, not within sight of me).  I hesitated for a fraction of a second, and knew that was it for me, I would have to leave, I messed up, I fell from grace.  Instantly, I heard a rush of wind, like thousands of large wings flapping rapidly or the sound of water in rapids, and a cacophony of voices calling out.  Then it was silent.  I was sad, and God (a gentle voice) was asking me what happened...why I hadn't returned.  His voice was so soothing and gentle, but I had no words, so I expressed it with that feeling in my gut of joy at the creation in front of me, spreading my arms out to the nature that lay before me.  He asked if I knew why He was there.  I responded with, "Because you don't love me anymore?"  He said, "You know better than that."  I could not look at Him, my back stayed to Him, but I kept my eyes on the beautiful place I would only get to see for a few seconds more.

 

    My next earliest memory (which was a dream and is my earliest physical life memory) is being in a hospital as a baby/child on a gurney.  My parents and sisters were speaking with a doctor and we were all in the hallway.  Then my family left me there with the doctor, in the gurney in the hallway.  I began crying and screaming for them.  I know that was a dream because my parents confirm I was never in a hospital in that situation, and if it were my birth, I'd have been in a room with other babies, and not on a gurney in the hallway, and my mother would not have been there with the family speaking with the doctor.

 

    Finally, last year, God (or an angel) visited me in a dream in March or April (2004).  Again I heard that rush of wind that sounded like wings flapping, but this time I saw Him. He was surrounded by a sphere of blowing debris (that is the best description I can give), which cleared enough for me to see him from the waist up.  He was perfect and bronze in color and large (perfect in every way, including muscle-tone), so much so, that He too had an almost cartoonish quality or look to him.  His eyes were tongues of fire where the colored part of your eye would be.  He took me to a stall with a perfect, white cow or bull without blemish, which also had a cartoonish look.  The debris field dissipated enough for me to see His feet, on which He wore sandals and He wore a white toga or tunic or garment on His body, with a golden belt or rope.  Even His toes were large and perfect and bronze.  A staff appeared in His hand, and without speaking, he made an up and down motion with it, directed at the bull or cow, and handed me the staff.  I am an animal rights person, and a vegan, and did not wish harm on this poor creature, but when you are in God's presence you have no choice in the matter...you do it without being able to resist.  I hit as lightly as I thought I could conceivably get away with, and He kept looking at me, wanting me to hit harder, which I did (crying and balling my eyes out the whole time).  When it was done, He disappeared in a rush of wind as the debris field around him enveloped Him and lifted Him up and away along with the stall and the cow or bull.

 

    This experience happened a day after I cheated on my vegan diet and bought spinach quesadillas at Whole Foods for lunch.  I thought the vision was inspired by this, (me not being true to myself).  Now, I am not sure.  At the same time, I had been having progressive difficulty walking.  I had a non-localized pain in my lower back, and no massage could get deep enough to relieve the pain.  I thought I'd be crippled within a year or two, unable to walk, as walking was becoming increasingly more painful.  Sue dragged me to a psychic healing fair last October, and there I met a man (Dr. Patrick Price) who looked right at me as I walked up to see what procedure he was performing on Sue, and said to me (looked at my groin area, looking into my body, and said), "Your left testicle chord is twisted.  I won't fix it for you, but I'll show you how to do it yourself."  Needless to say, I thought he was crazy, but I went home, did what he told me to do, and was surprised to find the testicle rotated, and instantly my pain was reduced by 90% on my left side!  I began working on the right side.  It took a couple of weeks, but the right testicle rotated twice, and the pain I was feeling subsided by 95% on the right side.  I was overjoyed at being able to walk without wincing in pain, or limping around, and gave many thanks to God for sending me that healer.  But there was still a little problem, and I couldn't fix it by January of this year, so I went to his office for full treatment.  In the course of treatment, he tested me for a liver detox which contained a bovine (animal/cow/bull) hormonal extract.  I didn't want to take it, but thought back on the "dream" and decided it might be in my best interest to take it.  So, I don't know if having to beat the cow/bull was for not being true to myself or foretelling that I would have to take an animal extract to regain health.

 

ADDENDUM:

Wednesday, March 29, 2006:  You know how when you are writing something, you get into a zone or a flow and just keep going until you have your thoughts out completely?  And later you go back and re-read what seemed to convey EVERYTHING at the time of writing, but find that the words used lacked the details of the experience?  I recently re-read "My Divine Experience" (left menu) and realized how few were the details in the account...especially about God's (or the angel's) eyes of flames (I read it and thought to myself it was as superficial a description as the verse in the Bible (only the one detailing the "eyes as lamps of fire"):   Daniel 10:5-6  "5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold of Uphaz: 6 His body also was like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of a multitude.")  (Though in my vision the spirit didn't speak).  So, today I would like to further detail the vision, specifically the eyes of flame or fire or "like lamps of fire."

    In the vision I had the being I saw was almost certainly the same as the one in the above verse.  When I looked up and saw his face, and noticed the eyes like a lick of fire, almost immediately I was moving through the gap between us without actually moving (in other words I didn't willfully walk or move or float to the spirit, but while standing there my entire being was moving to his face).  As I approached him, it was as if he became bigger or I became smaller, but either way I came to rest standing as if on the edge of his pupil, if he had had one.  Once there I was unaware of anything behind me, only what was in front of me...and what was in front of me was a white limited void filled with about 6 pillars or columns of fire (8-12foot tall each, but height and distance were impossible to determine in this void), as if they were coming out of a gas line in a fireplace or a grill, but there was no piping, nothing solid in this white void.  The pillars of fire were closely spaced to each other, and seemed to maneuver around each other, bending this way and that like a camp fire in a gentle breeze, while others appeared out of nowhere.  I could have stared like this for a very long time, much longer than I was allowed.  I felt like I could get lost inside there, and I probably would have if I had not been brought back out and the proportions returned to normal.  I never made a move.  When coming out of his eye (by that same force that put me there), my first thought was that I could have been consumed by that fire, and that the being was God, and that the verses were correct in the Bible describing God as a "consuming fire" (Deuteronomy 4:24 "For the Lord thy God is a consuming fire, even a jealous God."). Surprisingly, I felt no heat from the fire, but though it was right in front of me I can't say I was actually in the fire (it wasn't licking at me or surrounding my body, and I wasn't engulfed in flame either).  But, the fire was all I could see other than the white limited void.  The void had limits, but I couldn't tell if the limit/wall/other end was 10 feet away or 1000miles away.  And I wasn't worried about getting burned (not while there at least) or burning in hell or anything like that...it was more like I was being shown the driving force inside this being.

    Psalm 97 gives a helpful description of what I described as a debris field surrounding God (or the angel) I saw in my vision as clouds and darkness...very fitting description...hits the nail on the head.  (Verses 2 and 3): "2 Clouds and darkness are round about him: righteousness and judgment are the habitation of his throne.  3 A fire goeth before him, and burneth up his enemies round about."

 

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